


Everybody Does It

by FanGirlyGlee



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Getting Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-14
Updated: 2018-04-15
Packaged: 2019-04-22 21:03:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14317116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanGirlyGlee/pseuds/FanGirlyGlee
Summary: Ray gets uncomfortable.  Mick wants to help.  Mick doesn't help, and Ray is even more uncomfortable.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Playing around with character's thoughts as indicated by italics. Hope it doesn't get too confusing.

Mick stood behind the rack of discount DVDs trying to be as inconspicuous as a tall bald man wearing sunglasses inside might ever be. Past issues had given him reason to doubt his senses, but the other man was still there even after he'd rubbed his eyes a couple times so Mick was pretty sure he wasn't hallucinating again. That meant Ray Palmer was definitely standing in front of the largest display of edible panties that had ever existed.

Everyone needed a break so they made made a quick stop in 2020 Tokyo. Pretty wanted to look at history stuff, probably just to make sure they mentioned him being a hero. Zari needed supplies and dragged the kid with her. Blondie was the one who had told him about this six-story palace of smut, so Mick had sort of expected to run into her. But Haircut?

Mick's brain raced through how best to make Haircut blush. He could suggest the addition of vibrating attachments to the ATOM suit, or ask about the battery life on different models of the glow in the dark pocket pu...

_Goddammit, is he carrying a shopping basket? Any self-respecting pervert grabs a few things and scurries off with his plain plastic bag_. _Not Haircut. He's gotta comparison shop._ _He probably brought his own reusable bag too._

A shelf of brightly colored liquids drew Mick's eye momentarily. _Flavored lube packets? Could be fun._ He stepped out to take a closer look.

“Are you following me?” Ray had sidled up next to him, and was looking directly at him, a clear violation of the code of conduct for men in adult stores. Mick refused to make eye contact, which just meant he was forced to stare at row upon row of silicone breasts. Disembodied pieces of women were not his thing, and the sheer number of choices made him uneasy. Of course Ray didn't quit. “Mick, you know I can see you even if you can't see me, right?”

“You can't just come up and talk to people while they're buying porn,” Mick hissed.

“You aren't buying porn. You're lurking. Also, it's broad daylight and this place is full of couples. It's an adult superstore, not a trailer on the outskirts of Central City. Let's try to be adults.”

Mick shrugged. Haircut had a point. _I can be adult. Just don't wanna._ “Happened to be in the neighborhood. Thought I'd pick up an inflatable sheep for the new kid.” He tried to peek into Ray's basket.

Ray just pulled it behind his back. “Mind your own business,” he said fussily.

Mick shook his head and went off in search of new spank material. _Not letting Gideon keep track of my searches_.

 

They ran into each other again on the third floor. Ray was eyeing a full-body latex suit with apparent concern. “I can't even imagine how sweaty I'd get in that.”

“Baby powder,” Mick stated calmly. _All over your giraffe legs._

“Yeah, I guess. Still. What on earth is that?” Ray was pointing at a package on the shelf. Mick picked it up and held it out at arm's length so he could read the back. _Forgot my damn glasses._

“It's supposed to be a dragon wang.”

Ray looked confused. “How do they know what...”

“Dragons aren't real,” Mick interjected. _Or so Gideon says._

“Well then why would someone imagine it so twisty?”

_Ooh, I know something about this_. He cleared his throat. “Actually, many species-”

Ray groaned. “Mick, I swear if you tell me the penis shape of **one** animal I will have Gideon put a lock on Animal Planet.”

_Fine, be ignorant._ He decided to shut up and keep reading the box. Two young women chattering to each other picked up a box off the shelf and departed, giggling. Ray chuckled and Mick made a light snorting sound. “Says you can load this model up with some fake goo so it goes off in ya.”

“That's a level of realism I don't need in my masturbatory routine,” Ray remarked casually.

Mick snorted. “You got a schedule? Left hand on Tuesdays. Fleshlight on Friday?”

Ray smacked his arm . “If you're done picturing me getting myself off, I'm going to leave now.”

The hair on the back of Mick's neck stood and he felt mixture of embarrassment and amusement. He'd never admit how much he liked it when Haircut sassed back. “Wasn't picturing anything,” he muttered under his breath. _Gonna be thinking about it later though. Stupid sexy nerd._

Ray strode confidently through the store to one of the many checkout lanes. He took the items out of his basket, seemingly no longer caring if Mick saw what he was buying. There was a dual package of lube and toy cleaner, a ridiculously small pair of red undies, and a box that contained something called a p-spot massager. He realized Ray was looking at him disapprovingly. “What?”

“Put it up here,” Ray said as if he were talking to a disobedient child. Mick sighed and pulled the variety pack of flavored lubricant out of his pocket. He set it on the counter and nudged it toward Ray's items so they would be bought together. _Damn, how did he know?_

They walked out together and just as it was about to get awkward Mick spotted a bar on the corner. “Hey, you wanna get a drink – maybe some sushi?” _Let me stare at you while I imagine you in those undies?_

Ray swung his canvas NPR tote bag onto his shoulder. “Sure, but my limit is 3 sake bombs. One of us has to be the designated walker.”

xxx

They made it back to the Waverider safely. Mick could still walk, and Ray was pleasantly buzzed. He did a load of laundry and turned in early, eager to try out his new toy. The stimulator was as good as the reviews had indicated. After forty tremulous minutes Ray lay panting on his bunk. As he rolled over to sleep his fingers brushed over his nipples and he almost had a seizure. _Definitely a worthwhile purchase_.

The next morning at breakfast Nate approached him, looking guilty. He handed Ray a small piece of tech. “I uh borrowed this a couple nights ago and forgot to tell you.”

Ray stared. _That looks like. Oh no no no._

“Is that my sound dampener?”

Nate rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, uh, I guess you thought it was in your room last night.”

Ray's fingers curled stiffly against his palms, doing his best not to appear upset. “How loud?”

Nate made a so-so motion with his hands. “Not bad, man. I just walked past your room, and um, heard some sounds.”

Unable to look his friend in the eye, Ray put the dampener in his pocket and walked down the hall at a normal pace despite his brain screaming that he should run away and hide for at least ten years. _I'll make another dampener and throw it at his stupid head_. As he rounded the corner he ran straight into Mick, almost knocking the other man onto his back. “Jeez, where's the fire? Heh.”

Ray said nothing and ducked into his lab. It took a few minutes of deep breathing to calm himself. _Everybody does it. Nate has no idea what I was doing, and even if he did it's nothing to be ashamed of. He'll forget all about it._ He took his pulse and determined that he was steady enough to get to work.

 To his surprise, Mick came to the lab an hour later, comically large sandwich in hand. “Are you ever not hungry?” Ray inquired. _Or thirsty or generally driven by your base instincts like it doesn't matter that the rest of us have to suppress our urges._

 Mick appeared to think about it for a second, and took another bite. “What's got you all wound up this morning?”

 “Nothing, I'm fine.” _Don't ask._

 “Haircut, you almost bowled me over and didn't apologize fifty times. You're in a mood, and Pretty's acting weird too. Which one of you is on the rag?”

 “Not even touching that one,” Ray murmured. _Please don't ask._ Mick resumed eating his sandwich, but kept hanging around. Ray tried to get back to work, but his concentration was broken. _Fine, you wanna talk. We'll talk_. “You know that thing I bought,” he said. “I used it last night and I got a little loud and I guess Nate heard me. I'm embarrassed.”

 “Everybody does it.”

 “I don't need everybody knowing when I do it.” _Or how often._

 “Sounded like you were having a good time.”

 Ray dropped the screwdriver he'd been holding and let his head fall forward onto the desk. _Can I just die now?_ “You heard me too?”

 “Just for a second. I'm not into hanging around people's rooms while they do freaky butt stuff.”

 “It's not freaky!” Ray protested. “Never mind. I'll just go on a tour of the ship and apologize to everyone individually for daring to enjoy myself in the privacy of my room.” _I'm gonna die of embarrassment._

Mick gave him his patented 'don't be stupid' look. “Don't see why. No one else is sayin' sorry for all the screwin' they do on the ship or on missions.”

_That's true. At least I'm discrete._

 Mick thumped him on the back and went on his way.

 

Xxx

 

Mick walked around the Waverider lost in contemplation. _Wanna make Haircut feel better. Also gotta stop thinking about Haircut's sexy noises. About busted in my pants last night. Should be me making him all moany and – hey there's an idea._

He decided to talk to Nate. “Hey Pretty,” he said, then corrected himself. “Uh, I mean Nate.”

 “Yeah, buddy?” Nate's earnest expression made what Mick was about to say all the more entertaining.

 “Got a question for ya. You ever been in bed with a screamer? I mean like a banshee.”

 Nate's left eyebrow arched. “Why?”

  _Keep a straight face. You can do this._ Mick went on. “What about passin' out? I mean like eyes rollin' back -'oh my god - then lights out?” _This is so much fun. Now he looks as freaked as Haircut._

   
“That's never happened to me or anyone I've ever had sex with,” Nate replied curtly.

 Mick nodded his head slowly. “Huh, I told Haircut not to worry – probably happens all the time. I'll ask Gideon.” Nate's eyes were as big as saucers as Mick turned his back. _There we go. Mission accomplished._

 When he returned to the lab Ray was reading. “Don't worry, Haircut. I got Pretty all sorted out.”

 “How?” Ray asked hesitantly.

 “Told him I was boning you, that's why you were so loud.”

 Ray threw his book in the air. “How is that better?” he shouted. “How, on any Earth, is that better?”

 “Now he thinks it's my fault.” _Why's he mad?_

 “Now he thinks we're sleeping together!”

  _I should be so damn lucky._ “So what?”

_Are you ashamed of me and our completely made up hot sex?_

“I was trying to help,” he insisted.

_That and making Pretty twitch is always a good time._

 Ray stood up and pushed back from the desk. His eyes told Mick that he was not only angry, but hurt. “Why would you say that, when you know...” His hands were in motion like he was trying to explain something important.

_I missed something didn't I?_

Then his shoulders dropped and he wore that hangdog expression that hit Mick too close to the heart.

_Oh shit, I fucked up._

 “You know how I feel about you,” Ray said at last. “I apologized for kissing you. I know I was out of line. I thought my obvious embarrassment would be adequate penance. Clearly you decided to go the route of public humiliation.”

 He stalked out of the lab, leaving behind Mick who was thoroughly confused. _When did you kiss me?_

 


	2. Chapter 2

Ray was determined not let anyone see him rattled. That afternoon he decided a trip to the gym would help.  Maybe punching things would help him work through his anger and discomfort.  Nate was there lifting weights. He eyed Ray curiously, but said nothing.

Ray punched the bag without even really seeing it. When he stopped to catch his breath Nate was still there, handing him a bottle of water. 

“Man, I'm sorry. I didn't meant to...”  He looked almost as embarrassed as Ray felt.

“I'm not screwing Mick,” Ray blurted out.

Nate shrugged. “Okay. I mean, even if you were that'd be your business.”

Ray nodded. “Exactly. Look, he was trying to make me feel better about you overhearing me. Somehow he thought you believing we were having sex was less mortifying than you knowing that I was using a battery operated toy to have multiple orgasms.” 

Nate looked like he was trying to process information. “That's weird- um multiple?”

Ray grinned.  “Yeah. Our bodies are capable of much more than we're taught in sex-ed. Devote a little time to self-exploration. It's worth it.” _Yup, now you're picturing it. Serves you right for borrowing my dampener without asking, jerk._

“If you say so,” Nate replied doubtfully. “But if you're not mad at me why are you trying to put your fist through the bag?”

Ray's bemusement faded. “I don't lie to my friends, Nate. And I don't think being intimate with someone is something to joke about.”

“I understand. I thought you'd probably tell me if you and he...ya know.”

Ray felt his face get hot. “Don't hold your breath.”

_I'm not._

Ray managed to avoid being alone in the same room with Mick fora couple days. There were anachronisms to fix and screw ups to correct. There was more than enough for the team to do, and it gave him some much needed distance. In the end Mick cornered him. “Could you just stop for a minute?” he pleaded with genuine sincerity.

Ray sighed. “Yeah, I guess.”

_Let's do this and get it over with._

“I uh, I don't usually do sorry.”

“I'm aware of that.”

“But I didn't mean to make you all mad and whatever else you're feelin'.”

_I think it's crushing disappointment._ “Non-apology accepted.” He tried to leave, but Mick blocked the way.

“I don't remember you kissing me,” Mick confessed. “If I said somethin' nasty I probably didn't mean it. And If you wanna talk about it that'd be great cuz that's the kind of thing I think I'd like to remember.” He stared at the floor.

 

Ray wasn't sure what to do. Mick wasn't lying. Not that he wasn't capable of dishonesty about something so personal, but Ray was pretty good at gauging when the older man was truly unaware of having done something that had an impact on someone else's feelings. He decided to give him a chance.

“Let's do this in private," Ray suggested.

_Like my room so if you're an ass I can just throw stuff and yell at you to leave?_

“Sure.”

Mick sat in a chair in the corner of Ray's room, one leg jogging up and down nervously.

Ray sat cross-legged on his own bunk and told the story. “It was before Aruba- the second time.  You and I were the last two awake after everyone finished celebrating. I wasn't drunk, though looking back maybe you were and I didn't realize. I told you I hoped that maybe you could see me as more than a friend. Then I kissed you.”

Mick rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “And I didn't slug you?”

“No.”

“Well then it was okay – the kiss I mean. I'm not exactly known for lettin' people get away with crap.”

Ray sighed. “You pushed me away and told me not to be stupid. You were saying that I didn't know what I was doing. You weren't what I was looking for blah blah.”

“Sounds like something I'd say,” Mick mused.

“Then you said you weren't anybody's queer lab rat.”

_Sydney used to call me a stupid little queer. That wasn't fair because I knew I wasn't stupid, and I couldn't help being short. Also, since I was ten years old, I didn't even know what queer meant yet. But I knew it must bad because of the way Sydney said it._

Mick looked around the room for a minute, which Ray interpreted as him searching for the right words to express himself. “I don't know exactly what I was tryin' to say because, like I said, I don't remember, but if I had to guess I was probably trying to tell you that it wasn't a good time.”

“Yeah? How so?” 

“Uh, when I was younger and prettier I didn't exactly run with the most open-minded group of thugs. People like me - and apparently you - gotta be real careful. I'm not the only one who figured out it was safer to wait till a guy's got a few drinks in 'em before ya go in for the kiss. That way you can blame the booze if you misjudged. Lot of 'em blamed the booze the next mornin' too. It's weird I gotta point this out to a certified smart guy, but a boozy smooch ain't exactly the best way to show someone you're serious. You coulda said something later when we were sober.”

“That's true,” Ray conceded. “I was mortified. I figured it was best to pretend it never happened and you'd do the same. When you lied to Nate, I thought you'd just been waiting to get back at me.”

“Wouldn't do that to you, Ray.” Mick scratched the back of his neck and tried to smile. “So you wanna try again?”

Ray was confused. “Huh, what?”

Mick chuckled. “And you guys say I'm the one who misses obvious stuff.”

“Oh.” Ray suddenly got it. “I'm not sure where to start.”

“Ugh, do we need puppets?” Mick had a mischievous look in his eye.

“You hate puppets.”

“Exactly! But if you need stupid props to talk about feelings, here goes nothin'.”  He raised one gloved hand and moved his fingers as if they were speaking while he talked out the side of his mouth. “Hey Mick, I'm gonna be all moony and romantic. Is that cool with you?” He then raised his other hand. “Yes Ray. That's cool. You are stupid hot, and clearly into kinky butt stuff.”

_Am I dreaming or having a stroke?_ “How much have you had to drink today, Mick?”

Mick's ear-to-ear grin was gleeful. “Not a drop. I keep telling you people I drink for a reason.”

Ray proceeded to form his own hand puppets. “Yes Mick, I enjoy spending time with you outside of the amazing sex we could possibly have been having for months now.” Mick was trying not to laugh so he ramped up the goofiness with his other hand. “Oh Ray, you are so tall and have perfect hair. Show me the ways of nerd love.” He then pushed his hands together and made a loud kissing noise.

Mick laughed so hard he snorted.  "Now that's a proposition I won't forget."   His face softened and he smiled. “Nobody gets me like you do, Haircut. So you gonna get naked or what? Ooh, could you put on that red thingy?”

Ray bit his lip. “And if I were wearing it right now?”

Mick growled and launched himself at Ray, who had never been so happy to have the wind knocked out of him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to go from porn store hijinks to hot lovin' but took a detour through feelings. Still, I think y'all get the point. They're totally going back to buy that dragon dildo.


End file.
